Saturday, April 5, 2008

Severe Weather Testing Protocols

VIA the counselor and testing coordinator at my school. She's got a wonderful sense of humor!

Severe Weather Testing Protocols

1. Should a severe weather situation occur during testing, please remain calm. To display any kind of anxiety would be a testing irregularity and must be reported.

2. Please do not look out the window to watch for approaching tornadoes. You must monitor the students at all times. To do otherwise would be a testing irregularity and must be reported.

3. Should students notice an approaching tornado and begin to cry, please make every effort to protect their testing materials from the flow of tears and sinus drainage.

4. Should a flying object come through your window during testing, please make every effort to ensure that it does not land on a testing booklet or an answer sheet. Please make sure to soften the landing of the flying object so that it will not disturb the students while testing.

5. Should shards of glass from a broken window come flying into the room, have the students use their bodies to shield their testing materials so that they will not be damaged. Have plenty of gauze on hand to ensure that no one accidentally bleeds on the answer documents. Damaged answer sheets will not scan properly.

6. Should gale force winds ensue, please have everyone stuff their test booklets and answer sheets into their shirts…being very careful not to bend them because bent answer documents will not scan properly.

7. If any student gets sucked into the vortex of the funnel cloud, please make sure they mark at least one answer before departing…and of course make sure they leave their answer sheets and test booklets behind. You will have to account for those.

8. Should a funnel cloud pick you, the test administrator, up and take you flying over the rainbow, you will still be required to account for all of your testing materials when you land so please take extra precautions. Remember, once you have checked them out, they should never leave your hands.

9. When rescue workers arrive to dig you out of the rubble, please make sure that they do not, at any time, look at or handle the testing materials. Once you have been treated for your injuries, you will still be responsible for checking your materials back in. Search dogs will not be allowed to sift through the rubble for lost tests…unless of course they have been through standardized test training.

10. Please do not pray should a severe weather situation arise. Your priority is to actively monitor the test and a student might mark in the wrong section if you are praying instead of monitoring. I'm sure God will put war, world hunger, crime, and the presidential primaries on hold until after testing is over. He knows how important this test is.

My good luck wishes go out to all 8th graders and their teachers on the math TAKS on Tuesday! Remember.. protect the tests at all costs!!!!!!


Mister Teacher said...

I am going to copy this list and send it to our test coordinator, these are hilarious!

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Mister Teacher said...

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Principal said...

First time reader of your blog. I am a principal and my school just completed state testing. I wish I would have had this list for my teachers. It is too funny.

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Kim said...

Thank you for the comic relief! I loved it. As humorous as your post is, it is also what we, educators, endure in Texas. We laugh because we can relate to going to great lengths to protect, cover, count, monitor, lock up and do anything but look at the content of the actual tests during TAKS testing days. I taught middle school math and thought the week of TAKS testing was horrible. Being at the elementary level with the 3 administrations to pass the reading and/or math TAKS, which now 8th graders will be experiencing, before moving to the next grade, were extremely grueling days and I wasn't the one taking the tests! So, thank you for a hilarious viewpoint of testing in Texas. Goes to show how serious we are in Texas...such as the principal that threatened to kill his middle school science teachers if their scores were not high on TAKS. The link to the actual news story is on my blog but testing is overtaking education in Texas at all grade levels, subjects, and facets of education.